communication is key
how to navigate in a world where no one is a mind reader.
have you ever had something in your mind that is so challenging to bring up that you wish the other person could read your mind and the awkwardness of trying to find the right words could be avoided? This is me all of the time. As a socially anxious person who just wants to keep peace between everyone I find opening up to be a challenge.
I have one person in my life right now who is so easy to be with that I can truly talk to her about anything and everything. She is my friend and we have known each other most of our lives. It has been over sixteen years since we met the first time. She knows a lot about me, way more than anyone else, i can trust her with my deepest insecurities and all the things that could later be turned against you. she does not do that everything i say is safe with her. we have such a deep bond between us.
Now back to the original point. imagine a scenario where something happens that makes you feel strong emotions. Lets take a fear as an example. The way someone is acting hurts you,but instead of communicating about it you keep everything in and try to act like nothing has happened. What happens next? The fear starts telling you that you are not safe and if you would ever talk about it the other person will get angry.
The anxiety cycle gets worse,you start being afraid of the person. They will most likely notice the changes in you and wonder what is going on. Maybe even get worried about you. maybe weeks go by and the pressure of your emotions builds slowly. Ultimately things escalate with you getting a huge panic attack. Then finally you are able to talk about what is going on and it turns out the whole thing was a misunderstanding.
is there a better option?
yes, soon as you notice the emotion allow yourself to calm down. Then figure out a way to communicate about how you feel. I sometimes write my feelings on paper and then give it to the other person if speaking out loud feels too difficult, or if you cant talk about your feelings yet try and name the feeling. Saying “ i am afraid” Gives the fear permission to exist and it takes the power away from it.
I have been on rehabilitative work program for a few years now. ( due to being unemployed and having difficulties finding employment “ the normal route” due to my high support needs) During this time, I have learned a lot about communication. When we work together with different people sometimes unexpected things happen. In the beginning, I used avoidance as a away to cope. I just held everything in. It was not good for my mental health. Fast forward to today, if something is bothering me, I try and talk about is as soon as possible. Time has done wonders as you start trusting your coworkers and learn how to resolve these situations. I no longer leave the workplace with worries on my mind.
some of these conversations feel difficult,but it gets easier and easier every time. The patience of other people helps a lot. I feel heard and understood,people are willing to accommodate my unique needs in social situations like giving me enough space to figure out what i am trying to say and allowing writing to be used instead of talking when it feels easier to do so.
we all have a lot to learn about communication, i personally don`t know any mind readers,do you?
